According to a new, super-scientific analysis of fMRI brain scans, voting for either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton stimulates an area of the brain most commonly associated with kicking puppies.
The study, conducted by a team of the nation’s top neurologists with help from Harvard’s prestigious Center for Fabricated Statistics, claims the results are undeniable.
The results of the brain scans come as no surprise to independent voters.
“The results are truly striking,” said Barry Manilow, the project’s lead neurologist. “We analyzed thousands of test subjects, and found that voting for Trump or Clinton activated the same region of the brain regardless of whether the test subject enjoyed kicking puppies.”
The study also helped researchers discover that voting behavior can be accurately predicted depending on whether or not one enjoys kicking puppies.
Researchers declined revealing which candidate’s supporters are more likely to enjoy kicking puppies because they wished to remain politically neutral, but added that “it is no shocker.”
The results are another example of why it is important to break out of the two-party system according to Cesar Millan, manager for the presidential campaign of Libertarian dog Buddy.
“The two-party system is ruff, and we need to take our democracy back,” said Millan. “It’s time for the American voters to show their teeth, it’s time for us to rise up and mark our territory!”