Donald Trump announced today via Twitter that he has purchased $584 million dollars worth of lottery tickets. The strategy of obtaining every possible number combination ensures that the former comedian and current acting president will win the record $1.6 billion Mega Millions jackpot. “That’s nearly a 200 percent return on my investment in one day,” tweeted Trump. “#Wow…
“Any dismemberment of a journalist at a Saudi Arabian consulate is merely a coincidence.”
Bill Cosby receives presidential pardon.
Lightweight sissy hospitalized following Supreme Court hazing.
“When you’re a star, they let you do it.”
Marshall Mathers on the run following high profile murder.
Liberal conspiracy theorists judge Kavanaugh’s company by the way they are dressed.
White House in crisis mode as son turns on father.
Mandatory nap time and random knife attacks plague Carson’s HUD.
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Cash-strapped MoviePass limits plan to several VHS tapes.
Trump announces $10 million deal with Russia.
