“Time traveler” disrupts presidential press conference

A man claiming to be “Future Obama” held a press conference today.

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Millions of average looking people of modest means applaud extremely attractive man as he pats himself on the back while pointing solely to hard work for his success

The commoners of America rejoiced this week as a video of Christopher Kutcher, former attractive male underwear model turned attractive actor that generally portrays attractive bumbling morons, lecturing them on the importance of intelligence and hard work went viral. “His words were truly inspirational,” said one long-time farmhand from a rural community with few occupational…

Mysterious statues of Nate Silver appearing randomly in Canada

Ontario, Canada— Reports from several concerned log cabin owners and their renters have been delivered to the Canadian government concerning random appearances of giant Nate Silver statues on their property. So far there have been over 75 life-size glass and marble statues that have no explanation of origin or ownership. “I was just minding my…

Ben Bernanke starts aggressive anti-bullying campaign after years of libertarian scorn

Washington, D.C.— Ben Bernanke, chairman of the Federal Reserve, announced the launch of “Key to Acceptance,” or “K2A,” an organization with the goal he described as “encouraging young Keynesians and combating quantitative teasing.” Bernanke has been harshly critiqued, especially among libertarians. “The last seven years have been a special Hell for me,” said Bernanke. “A Hell…