Ben Bernanke starts aggressive anti-bullying campaign after years of libertarian scorn

Washington, D.C.— Ben Bernanke, chairman of the Federal Reserve, announced the launch of “Key to Acceptance,” or “K2A,” an organization with the goal he described as “encouraging young Keynesians and combating quantitative teasing.” Bernanke has been harshly critiqued, especially among libertarians. “The last seven years have been a special Hell for me,” said Bernanke. “A Hell…

George Zimmerman wants to attend a black college

At a press conference earlier today George Zimmerman announced he was seeking admission to study law at North Carolina Central University, a historically black college with approximately 10 percent white enrollment. It was recently reported that Zimmerman wants to study law so he can help other reckless vigilantes like himself. “Surely this will prove once…

Undocumented immigrants abducted and forced to work for the NSA

Approximately 2 million undocumented immigrants have been abducted and enslaved by the NSA according to whistleblower Edward Snowden. The grim bombshell was revealed earlier today when Glenn Greenwald shared more of Snowden’s classified information via a previously unreleased, taped interview. According to Snowden, most of the undocumented immigrants thought to have left the states in recent…