Undocumented immigrants abducted and forced to work for the NSA

Approximately 2 million undocumented immigrants have been abducted and enslaved by the NSA according to whistleblower Edward Snowden.

The grim bombshell was revealed earlier today when Glenn Greenwald shared more of Snowden’s classified information via a previously unreleased, taped interview.

According to Snowden, most of the undocumented immigrants thought to have left the states in recent years were actually enslaved by the U.S. Government.

The captives are forced to work grueling 14-hour shifts manually reviewing and deleting an estimated 39 terabytes of cat pictures every day.

To prevent deletion of useful photographs the NSA built no means of automatically deleting pictures into it’s surveillance software. The software can, however, flag and categorize photos for manual deletion.

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The agency underestimated American citizens infatuation with mindless cat pictures and within days of launching its program of indiscriminate data mining it found its system bogged down with the excessive, useless data.

“Those who attempt to resist the program have their will ruthlessly crushed,” Snowden said. “Dissenters are swiftly taken to a separate facility for manual review and deletion of the second largest source of useless data.”

Snowden begins to visibly shake and hesitates before barely whimpering “dick pics.”

The video ends abruptly as Snowden breaks into tears.

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