BREAKING: Ted Cruz suspends campaign

In light of recent events, Republican Texas Senator Ted Cruz announced that he will be suspending his campaign for president.

According to a press release, Cruz will take the time to get back to the things that matter to him the most in life.

“I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve fallen short in some key areas of my life,” said a wistful Ted Cruz. “For starters, I’m pretty far behind on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. I haven’t been able to watch The Walking Dead since it returned from its mid-season break.”

“Hell,” said Cruz in a rare moment of candor. “I haven’t even seen a single episode of Better Call Saul. This presidential campaign business is very time consuming, and with Daredevil streaming on Netflix this Friday, I simply won’t have the time.”

Season two of Daredevil premiers on Netflix Friday March, 18.

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