BREAKING: Ted Cruz suspends campaign
Cruz suspends campaign immediately, citing “personal reasons.”
Romney demands Trump release tax info, dick pics
Mitt Romney doubles down on demands that Trump be transparent.
Ted Cruz accidentally confirms he is the Zodiac Killer
Ted Cruz confirmed he is the Zodiac Killer when the audio feed to his microphone was accidentally kept on after a town hall event.
Rick Santorum assaults allegedly gay Muslims to increase poll numbers
Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum assaulted two Muslim men in an attempt to increase his polling performance.
Trump’s poll numbers up on news that he shot somebody
Donald Trump shot somebody this morning after theorizing that he could do so without losing loyal supporters.
Furious Rand Paul channels founding fathers
A furious Rand Paul responded to removal from the prime-time Republican debate by channeling America’s founding fathers and ripping the media a new one.
Putin announces Republican presidential campaign
Responding to popularity among conservative pundits and on social media, Vladimir Putin announced he will run for the Republican presidential nomination.
