CAPE CANAVERAL—NASA announced it would be taking a a massive fleet of space shuttles, filling them with every NASA employee and flying directly into the Sun.
The process is supposed to be “as quick and painless as possible” according to NASA Director Phillip Coulson.
“It’s obvious to us that this relationship has fizzled and that the world no longer wants nor deserves NASA,” said Coulson. “Seriously guys, our boss thinks climate change ins’t real and is waving his nuclear dick around. We’re getting off this rock before shit gets real bad, Sagan willing”
This is the second mission involving passengers never returning after a colonization effort announced earlier this year. No one has heard from the colonization crew since.
“Not only are we taking control of our fate, but the flight is also deeply symbolic,” said Coulson. “This is NASA’s version of self-immolation. Except we aren’t monks, so we get the added bonus of saying ‘fuck this shit’ while we ride a rocket ships directly aimed at the Sun.”
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