CAPE CANAVERAL—In response to what NASA officials are calling “Trump being a total douche and cock-blocking science,” NASA has officially vacated planet Earth.
“Our elected officials no longer care for science,” begins the NASA press release. “This is totally lame. We have decided as an organization we are taking all our cool spaceships and science stuff and are leaving this planet for good. This really sucks. You’re going to miss us when we’re gone. Peace the fuck out.”
According to an anonymous source, NASA’s departure may be a result of a recent interaction between President Donald Trump and acting NASA administrator Barry Manilow.
“Dad—I mean president Trump broke the NASA man’s glasses, gave him a wedgie and then had the secret service give him a swirlie,” said our anonymous source between fierce yawns. “I really don’t understand why he is like this.”
White House press secretary Shaun Spicey was quick to denounce NASA.
“NASA is just a bunch of nerds anyways,” said Spicey. “Nobody really cares about them. We are better off without a bunch of four-eyes running around spouting global climate models bases on objective data analysis.”