FDA approves Hot Pockets for medicinal use

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Due to executive orders reducing regulations for the FDA, Hot Pockets have finally received approval for medicinal use.

Culinary astrophysicist James Gaffigan has been a long-time proponent of legalizing Hot Pockets for medicinal use.

“We have been studying the medicinal qualities of Hot Pockets for decades,” said Gaffigan. “But all this red tape kept us from publicly acknowledging its true potential.”

Hot Pockets have had long been hailed as a natural laxative.

The FDA now suggests that frequent constipation can now be cured over the counter with Hot Pockets.

For more urgent constipation, the FDA recommends that patients try Hot Pockets Extra Strength, formerly known as Hot Pockets Breakfast.

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