Yet another NFL championship parade has been cancelled due to the winning team’s inability to resist locking lips with the criminally sexy Vince Lombardi Trophy.

The tragic 51-year-long tradition continued this year after it was announced this morning that every single Patriot had contracted mononucleosis.

Fortunately, there will be no shortage of parades as the NFL plans to continue for the second year with consolation parades for the league’s 31 loser teams.

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