WASHINGTON, DC—After much speculation as to whom presumptive Republican presidential nominee and former comedian Donald Trump would choose as his vice presidential running mate, Trump has finally announced his pick.
“As many of you know, the media has been speculating with great imagination as to who my running mate will be,” said Trump. “Well guys, the media was once again wrong, my ‘short list’ was a load of garbage. This guy is great and I’m real excited to have him on board. He’s really just the best – I’ve known him a long long time and he’s been a real good friend. I proudly announce Bill Clinton!”
Bill Clinton ran onto stage and proceeded to chest bump, dap, and then high five Trump.
Trump continued, “not only was there a surplus in the 90s when he was in office, he also slammed mad biddies in the Oval Office. His way with the ladies rivals only my own. Together we will make sure that every woman in this country is satisfied!”
Clinton told the crowd that although it was a tough decision to make, he is confident that he “made the inevitable and politically correct choice.”
“I really wanted to work with Hillary at first, but she wouldn’t let me be her VP,” said Clinton. “Sadly, over time she proved untrustworthy. Trump later offered the position and now I think we have an excellent team that can finally stop my wife.”