Hillary Clinton is serving the remainder of her three-primary suspension due to PED use.

Bernie Sanders was reported having a torn ACL from practice, however his coach has not formally announced an injury and it is likely he will be present for he primary.

The Donald Trump campaign listed the candidate as “probable” despite being recently “plagued with a terrible case of dandruff.”

Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, and John Kasich have voluntarily suspended their campaigns as a result of injuries sustained due to Trump’s aggressive play style.

The Republican voter’s dignity will not be present and a missing persons investigation is currently underway.

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