Cruz threatens to eat more boogers


In a desperate attempt to coerce support out of voters, Texas Senator, Republican presidential candidate and admitted serial killer Ted Cruz has vowed to eat more boogers on live television if he doesn’t win the next primary.

Earlier this year Cruz was caught on video during a debate eating what appeared to be a rogue boogey.

“I know at least 40 percent are not concerned with the Republican party’s public image,” said Cruz before interjecting “Trump supporters” between obviously faked coughs. “But maybe I can appeal to those who still care how we appear. How will it look for our party if with the frontrunner being Trump and the second choice a booger eater?”

Eating boogers during debate is a classic strategy deployed by Princeton debaters intended to unnerve debate opponents, however Cruz maintains the booger consumption during the debate was accidental.

“I’m in the Princeton debate hall of fame,” said Cruz. “I wasn’t even trying to eat that booger, but just imagine how many I could eat if put my mind to it.”

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