Michael J. Fox arrested for insider sports betting

Michael J FoxLos Angeles—Michael J. Fox was arrested Wednesday morning in relation to insider sports betting on DraftKings.

Fox aroused suspicion after achieving a statistically-impossible, perfect record on the site under the username NoChicken.

Authorities found an unusually worn copy of a sports almanac which was just recently printed and which has markings cataloging winning bets Fox has placed since the late 80’s.

“The operating theory is that the Back to the Future films were really documentaries from an original, prime timeline,” said NASA astrophysicist Barry Manilow. “The implications are heavy. It is suspected that we are living in an alternate 2015, as there are no flying cars and there are only four Jaws movies. We can only assume that we are forever stunted as a society. The amount of lives lost due to our lack of progress in technology and medicine is unfathomable. Worst of all, instead of hoverboards, this sad reality is limited to the Swagway.”

“We suspect Mr. Fox has been using an alias to hide his real identity after damaging the space time continuum,” said one source within the FBI’s TimeCrime division.

Under the name of Marty McFly, he was an accomplice to Dr. Emmett Brown in negotiation with terrorists to obtain materials to build a dangerous weapon allowing the pair to travel through time.

Dr. Brown is still on the run and “extremely dangerous.”

“We are looking for a criminal mastermind,” said FBI director Tim Travell. “He is extremely intelligent and capable of producing weapons of mass destruction with scarce resources. He built a highly advanced technology known as a flux capacitor in his garage.”

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12 Responses to Michael J. Fox arrested for insider sports betting

  1. Donnie says:

    I bet if Michael wasn’t famous, they wouldn’t have even bothered with him…..I think its a bunch of B.S………………With all the shootings and cops getting shot too plus all the other crap going on you would they would be using their time and resources to a more than messing with Michael on such a petty deal……..just saying.

    • Stevie on the jobby says:

      Let him go, he is an old man now and we feel sorry for him x

      • Katie says:

        No one I know feels sorry for him – He’s wealthy and has people at his beck and call, disease or no disease. Pay the price for the crime, regardless just as any of us would have to do.

    • Susan Meeks says:

      I bet if he was Hillary you would not hear about it and if you did nothing would happen !

  2. brebro says:

    If he needs bail money, he should sue Chuck Berry for plagiarizing “Johnny B. Goode” from him.

    • James says:

      We are on the same page here. I never understood how he didn’t go after Berry for being so despicable. I guess people let things like that go back in that day. If he hadn’t, and received the royalties he so clearly was deserving, MJF would have had no need to do what he did that landed him in trouble. He might have stayed off everyone’s radar and lived his life in peace. It isn’t fair. Oh well, maybe he will find a way to “undo” his little mess. Hint, hint. Come on Marty.

  3. Pingback: Breaking news: Michael J. Fox arrested for insider sports betting

  4. John Smith says:

    How did I end up here.

  5. Sandra White says:

    who cares he a great guy we have more to worry about like Heroin and crack in this country
    Love you Michael J fox

  6. Tony says:

    Everyone should be EXTREMELY careful with their comments. I have obtained information from an extremely reliable source that the FBI’s TImeCrime unit has placed an informant among the posters in an effort to obtain information on the whereabouts of one DR. BROWN, subject of an ongoing investigation. The only clue as to the identity of this informant that I was able to get was that he obsesses over the “subjunctive”. Maybe somebody can figure this out.

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