Scandal: Sanders campaign aides caught in an act of capitalism

bernie-sanders

Three aides for the Bernie Sanders presidential campaign were caught in an act of domestic capitalism at a local 7-Eleven earlier today.

Controversy arises from the fact that Sanders is the presidential campaign’s only self-avowed communist.

Stubhill News caught the aides attempting to buy several items at the nearby 7-Eleven with currency which represents the alienation of working class labor.

The aides were obviously nervous when our team approached them, and offered only giggles and knowing glances at each other when asked what inspired their capitalist selection.

Sanders quickly and forcefully responded to the news.

“Quite frankly, I find this news disgusting,” said Sanders. “We do not know where our aides even received capital, but, rest assured, we are going to look into it to make sure this disaster, or one like it, never happens again.”

“Our commune has all the Ben & Jerry’s and organic microwave burritos they could have wanted, and the one item they bought[Sander’s audibly gagged at this word]… that we don’t have isn’t even good,” said Sanders. “Doritos are nothing more than an imperialist bastardization of a proud Mexican chip.”

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