The Nestlé Aeronautics and Space Administration announced today that water is flowing on Mars and that it is all theirs.
“Finders keepers, suckers!” said Nestlé CEO Paul Bulcke before adding a “nanananabooboo!”
This is not the first time an American company has secured exclusive rights to mine a stellar body for resources.
In the 60s, Kraft secured the rights to harvest cheese from the Moon, but humanity soon discovered the Moon’s composition was not as we had long assumed, and thus Velveeta was born.
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I’d definitely buy a bottle of Martian-tapped water, but only if it had a distinctive logo and a French-sounding name. Hydration’s important, but the main idea is to prove to others how sophisticated you are.