Karl Marx endorses Bernie Sanders for president

The specter of communism has given its hotly anticipated endorsement.

House Republicans threaten to murder 232 puppies if Obamacare is not unfunded by midnight

In a final push to derail the Affordable Care Act, House Republicans simultaneously revealed puppies that each had smuggled into the house. After several minutes of ominous silence and menacing stares from Republican representatives, House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) confirmed that the puppies were a final attempt to force the Democrat’s into conceding defeat and averting a…