World leaders urge the U.S. to build wall around itself

Proposed United States' border wall

Proposed United States’ border wall.

In response to the United States 2016 presidential candidates, the United Nations held an emergency meeting to pressure the United States into building a giant wall around the perimeter of the entire country.

Citing the Republican Party’s record on gay rights, healthcare, environmental issues, and a woman’s right to choose, world leaders voted almost unanimously to encourage current President Barack Obama to start the wall immediately, emphasizing the need to preemptively contain the problem before the Christo-­Fascist ideas can spread.

“That country clearly has no intention of electing the best and brightest to represent them, and we do not need their kind influencing France,” shouted French President Françios Hollande during one press conference.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel stressed the German people’s resolve to not sit idly by while history repeats itself.

“We aren’t going through this shit again,” said Merkel. “We gave them a pass when they elected and reelected Bush, we are not going to give them a chance to screw us again.”

Russian President Vladamir Putin also gave support to the wall plan.

“There is one sign the Americans can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance dramatically the cause of freedom and peace,” said Putin. “President Barack Obama, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the World, if you seek liberalization, come here to this gate. Mr. Obama, close this gate. Mr. Obama, put up this wall”

Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced that their countries will begin unilateral construction of walls along their land borders with the United States.

The walls, which Mexico and Canada describe as a gift, will be inscribed with “One Nation, Under Wall.”

At press time, Republican strategists were trying to figure out a way to disagree with something they’ve wanted for so long.

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