Top military officials quietly announced plans today to eradicate Ebola through brute military force.

According to the brief document released on the Joint Cheifs of Staff’s tumblrs, the first stage of the noncontroversial plan involves targeting hospitals in stricken regions, such as West Africa, Dallas and Boston.

“This is entirely in our wheelhouse, as it is not unheard of for us to accidentally strike a hospital when meaning to hit a militant target,” reads the statement. “This time the hospitals are our targets, so if we miss the mark it can’t possibly get any worse. Right?”