Washington was rattled today as news broke that acting president Donald Trump’s last but definitely not least son is now reportedly working with special counsel Robert Mueller.
The Trump administration launched immediately into damage control, releasing a memo declaring that the President “barely knows the guy.”
Trump took to twitter to turn his ire to Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, citing the news as further evidence of Sessions’ law enforcement weakness.
“Little Barron, Whom I barely Know, has flipped on me,” Trump tweeted. “Now hearing Barron’s mother isn’t even from the US. Why weren’t they deported?! #AskSessions”
Stubhill caught up with Mueller at a local bikers bar to discuss Barron’s motivation for cooperating.
Mueller was characteristically silent, but offered a rare comment.
“A billionaire should be able to afford Xbox live for his son,” said Mueller before hopping on his Harley and whispering “sic semper tyrannis.”
Mueller then flicked his cigarette at our reporter and sped off into the sunset.
Gosh, Mueller is so cool.