BREAKING: Remember Ben Carson?

carson cut

In a shocking discovery, Ben Carson is still the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

The revelation came from a report issued by a niche watchdog group set up to specifically monitor the activity of government employees with the last name “Carson.”

According to the report, while the nation has been sidetracked by Trump’s tweetstorms, HUD has been consumed by a culture of rampant napping and murder.

“When agency employees are complying with mandatory nap time, they spend the other half of their day in a panicked state awaiting random knife attacks by Carson,” said Barry Manilow, American singer-songwriter. “Paradoxically, according to our report, Carson is every bit as boring as he is stabby.”

The exact death toll is unknown, but estimates range between zero and one hundred thousand.

“Carson is an extremely effective killer due to his silence,” said Manilow. “He’s so quiet we, as a nation, kind of forgot he… shit he’s right behind me instead he?”

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