Mueller adds hard-hitting duo to investigative team

mueller olsen

“This line isn’t secure,” a grave and raspy voice told me over the phone. “We need to rendezvous a block over from our normal location.”

Cloak and dagger meeting arrangements with these sources was par for the course, but the subjects were more cautious this time, bordering on paranoid, and rightly so — American democracy as we know it is on the line.

I met the pair, alone per their request, in a parking garage in an undisclosed location. It was there I found them in the shadows, sporting a trench coat and smoking cigarettes. Their faces were hidden under their classic fedoras.

“We went dark after Benghazi. We’re surprised you tracked us down,” one of them spoke, however it was hard to differentiate between them as I couldn’t see their mouths and they only ever speak through a technological device to mask their true voice.

The device, if I were pressed to describe it, sounds much like two young girls speaking in a near-perfect unison.

I asked them what they knew about the Mueller investigation, as sources told me they were recently brought on in confidence.

“He’s on the clock,” one spoke.  “Old man Mueller knows we are the best in the business and we aren’t afraid to get our hands dirty. We may have unconventional methods, but we can deliver results and fast.”

“Our guarantee is to have this solved by dinner time,” they added after taking a brief drag.

So who are these two mysterious figures? I have had communications with them in the past, but it’s been years. I’ve been scanning dark web channels to find any trace. They have been involved in some of the most high profile mysteries in recent decades despite their low profile.

We last spoke over a secure channel while they were deep undercover in Benghazi. They were in constant and immediate danger for months and they gathered intel for an undisclosed client – however it is hinted that it was a government agency.

These days they only take payment in crypto currency. Their services are expensive and they need to agree to the case. They also require their parents to give them permission to break curfew.

Their long, blonde hair appeared frizzy and stressed. They did not appear to have had much sleep and the lingering smell of nicotine and whisky sweats could not be masked by their Chanel perfume.

“We started off as private eyes,” one said. “We built a reputation for our work and our methods. We eventually went to investigate in war zones. The things we have seen will haunt us forever.”

I asked if they had ever taken a life. They both looked straight ahead and dragged their cigarettes. After a long pause I knew I should ask another question.

The meeting was cut short when a car rolled by. As they walked away I pleaded that they stay in touch.

“You got it, dude,” they responded while giving a reassuring thumbs up.

It has been days since their dinner time deadline and I fear they might be in danger.

Mueller has hired some of the most qualified people in the business to investigate Russian meddling. I pray that investigation can conclude and that my shadow detectives can come out of hiding.

Follow Stubhill News on Twitter and Facebook for all the latest news and updates on Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s wacky adventures.

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