An in-depth study has revealed that 100 percent of school-aged children do not remember the September 11 terrorist attack.
The bombshell study, conducted by the Council for Unavailing Research and Education Statistics, found that 100 percent of the 52,350 surveyed students claimed “no recollection” of where they were or what they were doing when the attacks occurred.
“We shouldn’t use this data to draw any conclusions,” said researcher Nate Sliver. “Nevertheless, our findings do worry me. This forgetfulness might suggest that these students were complicit in the attacks or, possibly worse, are unpatriotic.”
Homeland Defense Secretary Nicola Fury announced that the students’ alleged forgetfulness was too suspicious for his department to overlook.
“There is no way this many people cannot recall such a tragic event,” said Fury. “We will indefinitely detain the study participants until we can definitively determine that these students were not actively involved in the planning or orchestration of the September 11 attacks.”