MSNBC chief anchor and missile enthusiast Brian Williams was rushed to the hospital due to sustaining a weeklong erection.
According to a spokesman for Williams, the anchor has only been able to achieve arousal through the assistance of distant militarism since he sustained mental trauma.
The mental trauma was the result of Williams being caught in a lie about being in a military helicopter that sustained rocket fire.
Video of the moment Williams was first struck by the war boner was caught by MSNBC cameras the night the U.S. fired 59 sexy Tomahawk missiles into a nubile Syrian airfield.
To quote the great Leonard Cohen, “they did nothing warlike without a close-up of perverted glee.”