Recently resigned Alabama Governor Robert Bentley has dismissed his guilty pleas to misconduct as formalities and insists that the only thing he is guilty of is being too sexy to govern efficiently.
While Bentley maintained a partial defense of his earlier claim that the legalization of gay marriage was responsible for the downfall of his marriage, in a series of tweets he further explored the root of his marital woes.
“While them dagnab gays were part of the problem, the main reason my marriage failed, and the only crime I’m guilty of, is I’m too damn sexy,” tweeted Bentley. “Bobby2Hotty was just too real for Capitol Hill. Catch me on tinder, ladies.”
Authorities have issued a warning to the state’s females to avoid sexual contact with Bentley because “that would be gross.”
At press time, Governor Kay Ivey was shaking her fist at the sky and screaming “Bentley” after realizing the official state banjo was missing.