CHICAGO—The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists has declared that the time of the infamous Doomsday Clock has yet again changed.
“The time was previously two and a half minutes to midnight, however, it is with a heavy heart we must report that our new janitor accidentally observed daylight savings time,” said Dr. Severus Stranglove. “According to the clock, we have all been dead for fifty-seven minutes and thirty seconds.”
Nobel Laureate physicist and humanitarian Arthur Fonzerelli told Stubhill New this is “grave news” and we need to take it “real serious like.”
“Ayyy! we’ve all been dead for a while, baby,” said Fonzerelli. “Not sure what else there is to do but wait ’til we turn the clocks back and we’re alive again.”
Fonzerelli said he is hopeful that he can fix the clock by giving it a good whack.
Stubhill News reached out to the Bulletin of the Atomic Janitors for comment but received no response.