Desperate times call for desperate measures, and if a leaked memo is any indication, then President Donald Jennifer Trump is a desperate man.

According to a leaked memo obtained by Stubhill News, Trump is looking to deploy as many as 100,000 National Guard troops to future White House press briefings.

The document outlines the troops intended purpose at these events in what it calls the “Four C’s” which are “crowd control, clapping, compliments and cwestions(sic).”

According to one anonymous official, the president mainly wants the moral support the troops can provide through clapping after the president’s answers as well as audibly whispering compliments which include but are not limited to the largeness of the president’s hands.

However, extra security and throwing the president softball questions when he feels the press are mistreating him are also important.

Earlier in the day, other media outlets had received the same memo and misinterpreted it as a plan to deploy troops in order to round up undocumented immigrants, but these other outlets cannot read as good as Stubhill News.

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