Women’s March postponed because they are still getting ready


WASHINGTON DC—The Women’s March on Washington has been postponed for “at least fifteen more minutes” as the nation’s women frantically put some finishing touches on their wardrobe and warrior paint.

“It’s very important that we look as strong as we do feminine,” a protester told Stubhill as we knocked on her hotel door asking where the hell she was because we needed to get going.

The March organizer, Mia Wallace, told Stubhill that she “planned for this” and the event is really scheduled to start “just 5 more minutes” after the posted time – which was like, 30 minutes ago.

“This is a tactic we use often,” said Wallace. “This way we have enough time to consider what else we can accomplish before leaving and still be punctual.”

At press time, they were still running 45 goddamn minutes late. Jesus.

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