Citing repeated unwanted advances, the flag of The Star-Spangled Banner has filed a restraining order against presumptive Republican presidential nominee and former comedian Donald Trump.
The Trump campaign was quick to respond to the controversy, labeling the restraining order as another example political correctness, and claiming that the flag was “asking for it.”
Trump’s handsiness with Old Glory has proven fatal for several flags over the course of the election season according to the head of FBI’s flag crime unit Liz Ross.
“The situation almost always ends the same,” said Ross. “Some young flag has an encounter with Trump and then a few days later the charred corpse turns up with a suicide letter claiming no desire to live after the desecration.”
According to the CDC, self-immolation is the most common cause of death for flags during campaign years.