Rage Against the Machine returns, Paul Ryan on vocals

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Fans of the disbanded American political rock band Rage Against the Machine were greeted to exciting news this morning as it was revealed that GOP House Speaker Paul Ryan would be replacing Zack de la Rocha.

Yesterday a mysterious countdown clock attached to the domain “prophetsofrage.com” appeared, which prompted speculation.

Ryan held a press conference revealing his role in the band after a falsified report emerged alleging that Rage Against the Machine would be returning with Public Enemy’s Chuck D and Cypress Hill’s B-Real in the place of de la Rocha.

“I’ve always been Rage’s biggest fan, as I revealed during the 2012 election campaign,” said Ryan. “That love had long been unrequited, but thanks to Trump we are finally seeing eye to eye.”

When pressed about the absence of de la Rocha, the band’s original lead singer, Ryan expressed that the decision was thoughtfully considered.

“We’re not trying to shatter the mold,” said Ryan. “We’d like to drop the hits with de la Rocha, but he wouldn’t get up off the commode. The world needs Rage now more than ever. This is no time for hesitation.”

Ryan ended the conference by proclaiming that “this is for the people of the sun” just before publicly signing his contract with the band.

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