TSA threatens to do job “very, very thoroughly”

TSA Reverse Strike

During a press conference today and while snapping on a pair of latex gloves, Transportation Security Administration spokesman Feelix McGrabbyhands issued an air travel notice to flyers advising that they show up at least fifteen hours early to the airport.

Security line wait times have been exploding under pressure from expanding air travel demand and a TSA budget that officials say is preventing the hiring of necessary staff.

“Consider this a reverse strike,” said McGrabbyhands. “We at the TSA love and take our jobs very seriously, and we are going to do our jobs very, very thoroughly whether we have the funding or not.”

According to documents released with the statement, all travelers should come fully prepared to receive a full cavity search and complimentary root canal.

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