BREAKING NEWS: NASA has identified what it is describing as a “hot mess” at the center of the Solar System.
Scientists are referring to the radiation source as “the Sun.”
Lead astronomer Barry Manilow admitted that the finding is embarrassing for NASA, and insisted that the scientific community would have made the discovery much sooner had it not been for generations of mothers instructing their children not to stare at the Sun.
“Generations of useful observation have been lost due to many a mother’s good intentions,” said a mournful Manilow.
Public health officials are advising Earth’s inhabitants to limit their exposure to the outside world by staying inside and keeping the windows closed until further notice.