New Clinton emails reveal evil plot to stop Sanders

Evil Hillary

A troubling new email from Democratic presidential frontrunner Hillary Clinton’s private server has revealed evil plots intended to stop her rival candidate Bernie Sanders.

The leaked, numbered list of plots were as follows:

  1. Turn into frog.
  2. Turn into frog and squish.
  3. Maintain superdelegate lead and shift own positions to more closely resemble his before turning him into a frog, at which point probably squish.

This newest email sheds light on another scandal during Clinton’s term as Secretary of State in which several large shipments of eye of newt and toe of frog were charged as work expenses.

The Sanders campaign has increased security, drawing a circle of salt around their undead candidate due to the leak.

“Maybe Secretary Clinton should spend a little less time plotting to squish me,” said Sanders. “And spend a lot more time plotting to squish the big banks!”

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