GOTHAM—At a political rally, Democratic presidential candidate and self-declared democratic socialist Bernie Sanders announced a great leap forward in human rights advocacy by declaring Xbox Live a human right.
“For way too long our youth have not had access to affordable Xbox Live,” Sanders shouted to a cheering crowd.
“Wages are too low for the average 15-year-old boy working part time to afford such an essential service,” said Sanders. “I propose that we cut defense spending and use the these funds to make sure that every youth can have access to this basic human need.”
The announcement was greeted by the crowd with chants that “Hillary’s a n00b.”
Bill Gates, former CEO of Microsoft, issued a press release that “although it’s great in theory, it’s even better in execution.”
Former president George W. Bush commented to Stubhill that he was “really excited to play Xbox with Jeb now that he is back home.”