In a surprise speech, Pope Francis has declared Bernie Sanders, a Jewish Socialist Democrat from Brooklyn, as the “most Christian” candidate for President of the United States.
The fact that Jesus and Bernie Sanders were both once Jewish carpenters was cited to support the claim, and The Pope made sure to clarify that the political ideology of Sanders was not the basis of the Christ comparison.
“Jesus existed nearly two millenia before modern political beliefs came into existence,” said The Pope. “It would be foolhardy to presume which economic and political structures Christ would deem most appropriate for eradicating poverty and suffering. Please do not misconstrue this declaration. This is just because they were both Jewish carpenters.
The Pope made the declaration at the Vatican balcony while dressed in his best Sunday Che Guevara tee and sipping Starbucks.
The endorsement comes just days after the Pope declared Donald Trump’s plans to build a wall along the border as “un-Christian.”
The Pope took an opportunity to double down on his condemnation of Trump, calling him an “orange greed demon.”