World mourns loss of kidnapper

Jareth the Goblin King has passed away today at age 69.

He is perhaps best known for an incident involving the attempted goblin transformation of a young child in the 80s in a misbegotten attempt to win the affections of a young woman.

Ever the Teflon Goblin King, the debacle only served to endear Jareth to the masses; even inspiring an age of copycat male fashion and bolstering his budding music career.

Despite his wild successes, in recent years Jareth confessed to prefer reposing in his castle beyond the Goblin City at the heart of the Labyrinth to imposing his will over the denizens of his kingdom.

His successor spoke today in response to the late king’s passing “It’s only forever, not long at all.”

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