LAS VEGAS—Last night’s CNN Republican debate questioning broke new ground when Wolf Blitzer asked the toughest question of the night: “top three Democratic candidates – you have to marry one, f**k one, kill one. Go!”
“This question is extremely unprofessional,” said Ted Cruz forcefully. “Two of them are men, no matter which one I pick, it’s gay!”
“You agreed to the terms of this debate,” Blitzer responded. “Pick one, senator.”
In homophobic shock, Cruz suddenly lost consciousness.
“Easy question,” said Donald Trump. “”Everyone knows I’m leading in the polls. The Democrats love me. I’d marry my daughter, f**k the Constitution, then kill ISIS and build a beautiful wall with their corpses.”
“If you can’t make executive decisions such as a classic MFK then you are unfit to be President,” tweeted Libertarian candidate and former actor Buddy.
Current frontrunner Vladimir Putin grabbed Blitzer by the throat, looked him dead in the eye and said, “I f**k all enemies into submission,” before briefly pausing and asking Blitzer “are you enemy?”
Rand Paul said that “there is nothing in Constitution does granting such authority.”
“I’m the only one here that can answer all these and not be gay,” said Carly Fiorina. “Clearly, I’d marry O’Mally because we are both Christians, but I’d totes f**k the s**t out of Sanders.”