CDC: public faces pumpkin spice epidemic

Pumpkin spice 2

A new craze of injecting pumpkin spice is quickly claiming lives across America, according to the Center for Disease Control.

CDC epidemiologist Ewen Crane said there are warning signs one can look for to determine if their loved ones may be “riding the pumpkin.”

“The biggest warning sign is a preternatural desire for foodstuffs flavored with pumpkin spice,” said Crane. “If you have ever seen someone abnormally excited about ‘pumpkin spice lattes,’ then you have almost definitely seen the the troubled face of a spicehead.”

According to the CDC, substance abuse of the festive Fall flavor has been growing exponentially every Fall since 2010.

At the end of the season addicts become unpredictably violent as their brains adjust to the absence of the substance.

It is highly advised to stay away from suspected addicts through the month of December as the seasonal supply runs dry and their pumpkin pickled brains turn violent.

Mmm… pumpkin spiced pickles.

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