After extensive research, scientists have attributed the mass death of thousands of saiga antelopes to “getting what they had coming.”
More than half the world’s enigmatic saiga antelopes – some 134,000 animals – were wiped out in Kazakhstan within just three weeks.
The cause of the deaths was erroneously identified as haemorrhagic septicaemia, caused by the bacterium Pasteurella multocida, according to the World Organization for Animal Health.
However, further review by the organization determined that the true cause was actually a “good ol’ fashioned case of comeuppance.”
Interviews with locals revealed that the antelopes had routinely violated property rights by feeding upon well-maintained lawns and “pooping and peeing all over like they owned the damn place.”
A detailed report revealed autopsies of the animals regularly revealed tribal tattoos and DVD box collections of “really trashy reality television.”