Shocking study finds most students do not remember 9/11

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An in-depth study has revealed that a majority of school-aged children do not remember the September 11 terrorist attack.

The bombshell study, conducted by the Council for Unavailing Research and Education Statistics, found that  100 percent of the 52,350 surveyed students claimed “little to no recollection” of where they were or what they were doing when the attacks occurred.

Only 10 percent of high schoolers claimed to have some recollection of the events as they unfolded, while a full 100 percent of middle school students reported having no memory of the event or even the day.

“We shouldn’t use this data to draw any conclusions,” said researcher Nat Sliver. “Nevertheless, our findings do worry me. This forgetfulness might suggest that these students were complicit in the attacks or, possibly worse, are unpatriotic.”

Homeland Defense Secretary Jeh Johnson announced that the near-unanimous forgetfulness of the students was too suspicious for his department to overlook.

“There is no way this many people cannot recall such a tragic event,” said Johnson. “We will indefinitely detain the study participants until we can definitively determine that these students were not actively involved in the planning or orchestration of the September 11 attacks.”

911 students

The worst generation?

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