Gay activists disappointed to find marriage already destroyed by heterosexuals

MarriageSt. Louis—It’s been almost two months since  the Supreme Court ruling that made same sex marriage legal in all 50 states, but not everything is happily ever after for the nation’s homosexuals. In the wake of what was expected to be the beginning of the end of a long journey for gay activists, the goal of the movement appears to have already been accomplished . . . by their opposition.

“After a lifetime of oppression and mistreatment by traditional America, I knew that simple equality wasn’t going to be adequate reparations for past abuses,” Roger Scott says wistfully.

For decades, Scott, a 72-year-old activist, has worked on what was known only within the community as the Gay Agenda. Scott claims movement leaders devised a plan 20 years ago called Operation Slippery Slope.

“At first it was little things, like just not getting our asses kicked for being gay. From there we moved on to try to normalize homosexuality by attempting to live openly, and then we pushed for anti-discrimination laws.”

Scott’s partner of 47 years, Bill Sawyer, has been an equally active participant.

“Some people started to get suspicious, of course. We were accused of trying to turn children gay, but that was never our primary goal,” Roger says gaily. “It was fun to watch it happen, but we were just as surprised by anyone else to see all these confused teens suddenly coming out of the closet.”

“The goal has always been the complete destruction of traditional marriage,” Roger goes on to say. “It was a closely kept secret among the gay network, but we did come close to being exposed. Fortunately, the opposition did a poor job of making their case, and most of America just couldn’t imagine that a group just asking for basic human rights could be after something so sinister.”

“Oh my God,” Bill says. “I still laugh about that. We were exposed and for a while we thought we were done for, but who believed these jokers?”

Roger details the unravelling of the agenda, and how America’s gay movement ended with a sputter.

“We had warnings. The 50 percent divorce rate was a big tip off. An infidelity rate hovering about 25 percent. Marriage was already becoming a mockery by the time the Agenda started to pick up steam. Britney Spears’ three day marriage. The Bachelor. At this point we were nervous that some other group was actively working toward the same ends.”

As it turns out, that other group was the heterosexuals themselves.

Bill minces no words. “By the time the initial high wore off from the ruling, it was clear that they’d beat us to the punch. Politicians always getting caught in affairs. TV shows and movies making light of infidelity. Tabloids celebrating the marital problems of strangers in big block print right at the grocery store checkout. It’s like, ‘Oh my god, these people are fucking animals.’ Not literally, I guess. Though, it wouldn’t surprise me.”

Roger’s face exposes a deep sadness as he describes the moment they knew they had failed. “By the time the Ashley Madison news broke, we knew it was over. Tens of thousands of heteros signing up on a site specifically to cheat on a loved one? It was done. There was nothing left to destroy.”

Roger and Bill admit that they do take comfort in knowing their life’s work had completed, but not being able to take credit for the utter destruction of a cherished institution has left them both with lingering disappointment.

“I suppose we could take up knitting,” says Roger.

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