Tom Brady signs surprise deal with XFL

Photo by Jeffrey Beall

The XFL has shocked and stunned sports fans with the surprise announcement that Tom Brady would be joining the league as quarterback for the New England White Nationalists.

In a press briefing, Brady said the strategic announcement will allow him to remain in the region he loves, while the XFL’s lax rules and regulations will permit him to focus on upgrading his body, ultimately transitioning into TB12, which he describes as a “totally super cool robot.”

The White Nationlists are named after the occasional color of New England’s snow, as well as the region’s kitschy, throwback affinity for old school European-style National Socialism.

The XFL will both launch and end in February 2020.

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