Acting president Donald Trump has taken the extraordinary step of pardoning convicted sexual assaulter Bill Cosby.
The pardoning occurred late last night when Trump’s rally-bound motorcade just so happened to stop alongside Cosby’s prison transfer limo.
According to sources familiar with the matter, Trump rolled down his window to politely inquire if anyone had Dijon mustard for pairing with his chicken McNuggets.
“It was a real triumph of this administration,” said senior White House-McDonald’s liaison Barry Manilow. “He even began the request with ‘pardon me.”
Cosby then reportedly responded with a pardon request of his own.
“It is you who must pardon me, Mr. President,” began Cosby. “For I must regrettably inform you that the only Dijon mustard within this limo is not from the maker that you have requested.”
“You are pardoned,” Trump shouted before Cosby could barely finish his sentences.
It was at this moment that Trump uttered the magical words that Cosby was able to break free of his binding and rejoin the world of free men.
At press time, this is why you should always be careful with your choice of words, children.