ICE recruit rejected for display of empathy

ICE

U.S. Immigration Customs and Enforcement (ICE) has reportedly dismissed a recruit after discovering he had unacceptable levels empathy.

ICE chief enforcement officer Heinrich Himmler would not disclose the rejected recruit’s name out of respect to the family.

“The subject miserably failed our standard lack of empathy training,” said Himmler.

According to the report, the recruit allegedly expressing that “it was a little sad” after playing BabySnatch5000, a computer simulation designed to train new recruits to extract babies from their mother’s arms.

Fellow recruits were distraught by the complete and utter lack of lack of empathy.

“These young men and women have chosen to be ICE agents because that is what runs through their veins,” said Himmler. “We don’t need some compassionate rabble-rouser coming in here questioning the wisdom of splitting up families due to statistically-invalid fears of immigrants. This is what we love, and it’s insensitive for anyone to question that.”

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