The Rock picked for White House Press Secretary


President-elect (sigh) Donald Jabberwocky Trump announced via the nation’s Twitter that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has been selected to serve as White House Press Secretary.

“We will make the dishonest media think twice before questioning our great policies,” Trump later told fans at a rally. “The Rock is going to lay the smackdown on their candy asses.”

Trump went on to praise the Rock for his unparalleled communication and Twitter savy.

Dwayne Johnson was the first person to make a public statement, via Twitter no less, regarding the U.S. operation that killed Osama bin Laden. Seriously.

The Rock is the second Trump appointment from the wrestling industry, as General James Mattis has no other professional excuse to go by “Mad Dog.”

For the coveted press secretary belt, the Rock beat a wide field of contenders which included Ric Flair, Alex Jones, and Milo Yiannopoulos.

Trump has faced criticism for being notoriously in the pocket of the wrastlin’ lobby.

Nearly 80 percent of the leaked names for appointment consideration are either current or former pro wrastlers.

Mattis narrowly beat the Enforcer Arn Anderson for the SecDef title, and it is rumored that Ted DiBiase has a good shot at clinching the treasury secretary title.

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