Trump: Clinton rigged Republican primary

trumpgoof                                  Gage Skidmore/flickr

Donald Trump expanded on his claims about the allegedly corrupt nature of American democracy at a rally today.

Trump announced his support of the conspiracy theory that his candidacy was designed to give Hillary Clinton an easy path to the White House.

“The system is clearly rigged, folks,” Trump began. “Think about it. There’s no way I could have won the Republican primary. I didn’t want any of this!”

According to Trump, his Twitter account has been hacked for so long he can’t remember the last time he actually used it.

Trump went on to explain to a stunned and silent crowd that for much of the last decade he has been experiencing frequent blackouts during which he does and says things that are beyond his control.

“I don’t even remember the birth of my youngest son,” said Trump as he began to weep.

Trump then winced and grabbed his head in pain before falling to the ground momentarily before regaining composure.

“Like I said. The wall is going to be tremendous! Believe me. Mexico will pay for it and it will be built with the bones of ISIS’ families, and worthless POWs.” Trump said to thunderous applause.

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