GLASGOW—Within hours of the Brexit vote, Scotland, whom overwhelmingly voted in favor of staying in the EU, depleted their reserves of Scotch whisky.

“They are just so sad,” said Stubhill’s foreign correspondent Barry Manilow. “They recently had a close vote on independence and decided to stay in the UK—then England turns around and pulls this shit?”

Stubhill tried to talk to any Scottish person, however they were so drunk we were unable to understand them even by Scottish standards.

Scotch has a long aging process. Drinking experts estimate that there will be no (good) scotch for at least 8 years until the first reserves are replenished.

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