Chick-fil-A is now legally required by the federal government to open its doors for business on Sundays.
The rare bipartisan bill was signed by President Barack Obama Friday morning and takes effect immediately.
“No longer will Chick-fil-A be able to discriminate against consumers based on which day of the week they feel inclined to have a tasty chicken biscuit,” said Obama. “These individuals have no say so in the matter. It is unfair to exclude them from enjoying one of life’s greatest joys. The heart wants what the heart wants.”
Southern lawmakers decried the president’s logic as unconstitutional, but were nevertheless willing to “let this one slide.”
“The president is right for the wrong reasons,” said Georgia Governor Nathan Deal. “Sometimes the ends justify the means. No longer will churchgoers be forced to settle for putting second-rate chicken nummies in their tummies after a grueling Sunday church session.”
According to constitutional expert Barry Manilow, the founding fathers may not have expressly given the federal government the authority to regulate the sale of chicken, but the private writings of James Madison reveal that it was the primary motivation for the creation of the Commerce Clause.