DENMARK—Science people recently published a paper that dramatically changes the way we see antioxidants.
According to the research of Thor Odinson and Richie Cunningham of Danish University College of Kinetic Sciences, antioxidants contain various chemicals that have differing effects on the body.
“It reflects poorly on the scientific community that researchers are just now discovering that antioxidants contain chemicals,” said Cunningham. “Chemicals are really, really bad for you.”
U.S. Surgeon General Barry Manilow, whom had just glossed over the paper’s abstract, declared in a high pitch voice that the results were “truly alarming.”
Manilow advised that consumers avoid antioxidants until these unnatural chemical’s long-term effects are better understood.
“It’s a shame — antioxidants are really good for you,” said Manilow. “However the chemicals they contain prevent the effects of oxygen on cells. We all know oxygen is good and chemicals are bad.”